Afraid of a Touch
by Unbearablesilence
Summary: Brittany's mother passed away and without her, senior year as a pregnant teen is going to be hell. Soon, she meets Santana; equally hurt and miserable; and then her life begins once more. But then her parents say religious morals come before love. Will she honor them and marry the man that abused her kindness, or make her own decisions?
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** If you do _**NOT**_ like the idea of violence, physical abuse (rape) or anything in that category, don't read. I warned you before hand. My apologies if this is offensive in some way, feel free to message me and we can talk.

**Author's note:** New story! Brittany's POV. Hope I get as many readers as The Journey to Love! Just so you people know, I do not hate Artie and I do not always see him as the bad guy in every fic. He's a nice guy. Haha. AND I always write angst related things. It's not for anyone to be offended. Thank you if you're reading.

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Prologue

Ever since my mother died from cancer two years ago, life seems so much harder. I struggle with things I'd thought she'd be here to help me with, but she's not. My father, Adam Pierce, is an orthodontist. We barely get along. My step-mother, Karen Evans, is a beauty specialist in a salon. She moved in with her son, Sam Evans, weeks after my mother died. He and I get along well now.

As my mother lay in that hospital bed, my father was disrespecting her presence by meeting up with Karen.

_Working late..._

_Early morning tomorrow..._

He'd make up excuses shamelessly and still had the nerve to kiss my mother goodbye. I couldn't tell my own mother that her husband was being unfaithful behind her back, but it was too late. She already knew.

_I know your father, Brittany_. she began and licked her dry lips. _He's with someone else and that's okay. Don't give him a hard time._

_You don't deserve this, mom. Not you._

_No one does, but I'd rather let it be myself than any other person._

Karen tried taking her place. Whatever she had planned just resulted in a huge waste of time. No one can take my mother's place. She tried rearranging the couches. The table, the vases, but I didn't let her. I wanted everything to stay in place because it reminded me of my mom.

_What are you doing?_ I asked one evening as she began to move the sofa in a different position.

_This place needs a different vibe_. she replied rudely and stopped her movement.

_Everything was fine where it was_. I retorted and clenched my teeth angrily. My father walked into the living room from the corridor and threw me a glare. It didn't matter to me what he thought. I breathed out deeply and shook my head. _Everything was fine before you came._

I ran to my backyard irritated and sat on the wooden bench I built with my mother when I was younger. We did everything together. My father was barely in the picture, but when he was, I just gave him a hard time. When I'd get into trouble with him, he'd yell at the top of his lungs. Tears would stream down my face like a massive waterfall. I'd run out to the backyard and let the tears stream freely down my face because I didn't want him to see me cry. Then, Mother came outside to console me.

_Ocean eyes, ocean eyes _

_Don't you cry _

_The storm has blown over_

_Look up at the sky_

My eyes looked up and saw her. Her bright smile when she sang the small melody always managed to calm me down. Her thumb stroked the tear lingering on my cheek bone and her arms would wrap around me tightly. Then, she reached for a bright, yellow sunflower in the garden and tucked it behind my ear. She was my sky. She was the bright blue sky after the ugly storm.

As the cancer spread throughout her body, her doctor told us it was best to spend time with her. Immediately, I cleaned the guest room and put all her stuff inside. Everything was neatly placed and not one piece of furniture had a speck of dust. Her body was fragile and I felt like I needed to be with her ever second of every minute.

One January morning, I woke up to see how she was doing, if she she needed anything, how she felt. Only the day before I told her that she could make it. She could fight the cancer like she fought for everything else in life. It didn't work.

_Mom?_ I called for her when I knocked on the door before stepping in. Slowly, I walked over to where she lay. Still and lifeless. My mouth parted to speak, but only a shriek escaped from my throat. Quickly, my father ran in and raced to my mother's side.

_Michelle!_ he shouted her name and grabbed onto her cold hand. _Michelle, wake up!_

The ambulance came, but they couldn't revive her. She was gone, and I knew it, I just didn't want to believe it.

_You gotta let go, Brittany._

_No! Mom, please-_

_Just let it go._ my father grabs my arm forcefully and drags me aside. My entire world collapsed before me in a matter of seconds.

Honestly, I dreaded that week. Her last week with me. My bones hurt, my head hurt, my heart hurt, but the pain never compared to what she went through.

All the pain in her body she withheld so that I wouldn't see. Why? _Why_? She didn't have to act strong with me. I knew she was. Watching her with the chemotherapy was the most painful thing I've experienced. All her hair abandoned different areas of her body. Her lips; chapped and purple from dehydration. If she had a chance to eat, she'd bring it back up anyway. Stamina was lost, she had no energy. Her face was so pale, I missed the glow she had when she stood in the sun. Yet, she smiled so beautifully and gave me hope that she'd be okay.

The funeral was held a week after, and then days after that, I summed up the courage to step into her bedroom. Her bed sheets still not folded properly and her slippers were tucked beneath her bed. Hospital bags rested in the corner of the room along with empty water filters. Photos of us together filled the room and her clothing hung in the closet with the scent of her perfume. I stepped into her closet and saw a pink cookie jar with my name in yellow letters. As soon as I opened the top, my eyes landed on money. All the savings she kept since I was born. It was the amount was written in a small piece of paper. $3,970. Following it, there is a note folded into three sections.

_Brittany,_

_My ocean eyes. You must know that I tried, I really did. All the pain that I went through wasn't for me, it was for you. If it were up to me, I would have left such a long time ago. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. It was the hardest part out of everything; saying goodbye. I didn't because I'll still be with you, guiding you through everything. Just look up at the sky and I'll be there. I promise. I love you, ocean eyes. So much._

_Love, Mom._

I closed the letter and let a fresh tear stream down my cheek. The letter in my hand ended up on the floor and the jar of money tipped over as I cradled myself in her clothing, inhaling her scent. My heart aches when I look at how many things she didn't spend on herself just to save up for me. That very moment made me feel like my entire life was just a waste. Without her, who am I?


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: **Sensitive/mature content. Abuse will be in this chapter.

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Wednesday / June 28 / 2006

I go downstairs with Sam and stand beside him as Karen and my father talk to Artie's parents. Artie greets me hello and kisses my hand gently. Sam eyes him evilly and I giggle. Then, Artie's father and mother turn to greet me as well.

"I almost forgot!" his mother begins to say as she sets her glass of red wine down. "We wanted to invite Brittany and Sam over to a party Artie is having."

My father looks in my direction and clears his throat. "Well Brittany, Sam, what do you say?"

I glance at Sam and he smiles, then I look over to Artie and a small smirk plants across his lips. It doesn't seem like a good idea because I don't want Artie to get his hopes up. We're just friends. Moments pass and I still haven't answered. Karen nudges me, telling me to make a decision. I nod hesitantly and smile half heartedly at everyone.

"Sure, I'll go." I reply and giggle nervously.

"It's later tonight." Artie assures me and smiles. "See you there."

[ Hours later ]

Sam drives us to the party at Artie's. It takes hours to look for his house, but we finally find it. We knock and Artie answers the door with a bottle of wine with his hands.

"Brittany, Sam. Come in."

The door opens wider and we enter the house. He leads us upstairs to his room. It's big, but too crowded. Sam goes with some of his friends from school, but I stay at one corner. Soon enough, Artie comes to me and hands me a blue cup, then walks away. I look around with the drink in my hand. It smells strong, so I just take a small sip. My eyes wander around, I see Sam again. Now, he's talking to Artie and a guy with a weird mohawk. I sigh awkwardly as Artie has his gaze glued to me. Then, I see a brunette talking to three girls. One girl is a petite blonde with hair up to her shoulders and blue braces. She laughs as she flicks the end of the cigarette in her hand. The second girl is a red head. Her hair is wavy and freckles cover her shoulders. Again, there is another blonde. She's tall, lean and has acne scars all over her face. Out of all of them, the brunette stands out in a way I cannot explain. Her tan complexion shimmers in the light and her bright smile just outshines everything in the room. It's her hair, her hair looks silky and so soft. I want to ask her how it feels to be so beautiful. For moments, her eyes glance in my direction, then they look away. By the time I turn to look at the her again, she was no where in sight, nor was the guy with a mohawk. Her friends are still here though, laughing and giggling at the door beside them. Why? I don't know.

Since more people are entering the room, I decide to step out in the hall. My back leans against the hallway wall calmly as I stare at the different picture frames and portraits that hang.

Suddenly, Artie comes from the room I had recently exited. I look to my right and he's a little too close.

"Hey," he greets me and tries handing me a drink, but I show him the one in my hand.

"Just drink this one, its fresh." he tells me and hands it to me again.

"I'm fine." I reply seriously and he nods. Long seconds of awkwardness pass and he tries reaching for my hand, but I pull away.

"Stop, Artie. I don't like you like that." I state firmly, but he keeps trying.

"C'mon..." he groans and his hand runs up my thigh, but I push it away.

"Stop it. Don't you understand?"

Before I have time to react, he pushes open the door beside me and shoves me inside. He closes the door then locks it abruptly while pushing me up against it.

"What are you-" his hand covers my mouth before I can even finish my question. My eyes widen in shock as he begins to whisper stuff in my ear.

"Shhh...you'll be fine." he whispers and begins kissing down my neck. I bite his hand and he quickly removes it from my mouth.

"Help! Help me!" I shout, but he pins me down on the bed.

"Stop acting like you don't want it." he hisses and covers my mouth once more. I'm losing energy. I can't breathe or see.

"Get away!" I mumble and begin to scream under my breath, but it doesn't work. He slips his hand up my shirt. I try to fight him off, but I can't. He's stronger and faster than me. As if he's done this before. I close my eyes and try my best to fidget from his grip.

Three

Two

One

His DNA is probably already growing inside me. I open my eyes and let out a terrified shriek. My innocence has been taken away forcibly. I feel useless. Disgusting.

To be completely blunt, I want to die.

"Don't tell anyone, Brittany. They won't believe you. Till then, I'll just deny, deny, deny." his husky tone makes my hands tremble with fear. Then, he takes his hand off my mouth.

I didn't give in, but by the time my last cry for help could be heard, he was off.

Sam runs in and sits beside me on the bed. He tries consoling me, but I fidget away and run out of the room. My heart is beating faster than I can explain. People's heads are turning and things are being said. Sam tries to stop me, but I walk all the way home.

It's almost twelve midnight and I can't sleep. My stomach hurts. I tried to shower, but I can't get the feeling of him off me. The pain from how hard he thrusted inside me hasn't gone away. Flashbacks of him just replay in my head. The way his rough hands traveled all over my skin. The way his breathing got heavier as I fought him off. He drooled and panted over my helpless body. My nightmare has become reality.

When people find out, they will judge me. Yet, they don't know what happened. I blinked; before I knew it, he was done. My life changed in a matter of seconds; minutes...and I can't change it back.

I yelled

I screamed

**_Stop_**

But no one heard and that's _my_ fault? Maybe I should have screamed louder because he didn't hear me either.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday / July 11 / 2006

I waited about two weeks to take the pregnancy test. Multiple ones. They all came out positive. For some reason, I felt like I already knew, but as soon as I saw the plus sign, my heart pumped as fast as it could go.

Thump

- the room is spinning

Thump

- my vision is blurry

Thump

- my stomach feels queasy

Still, I feel his hand covering my mouth, not letting oxygen in where it's needed. The thought of his heavy breathing down my neck still seems to make my spine shiver. My throat becomes dry instantly when I think of how loud I yelled to get help. No one heard.

Louder, Brittany.

Louder

**Louder**

_Louder_

And still, no one showed up.

Hours later, I walk to his house and knock on the front door. I'm terrified. All I want to do is get this over with. His mother answers and smiles, then calls for him from his bedroom. He shows up at the door and sighs in frustration.

"We need to talk." I state shakily and he steps out while closing the door behind him.

"Is it important?"

"I'm pregnant." I blurt out and his eyes widen as his jaw clenches.

"No, shut up. It's _your_ baby now."

My lip quivers. I want to cry, but I can't. Not right now. "It's your baby too." I respond as firmly as I can.

"I don't want anything to do with it. I don't want to feed it, I don't want to change it, and I _don't_ want you to have it."

"I'm not getting an abortion."

"Fine, but once it comes, don't expect it to have a dad." he retorts and steps back into his house while slamming the door in my face. My body can barely handle it anymore. Several tears stream down my cheek without limit. Then, I continue to walk back home sullenly.

As I lie in bed, I stare ahead of me, deciding on what route I'm going to take with the child growing inside me. I haven't slept properly in days, I barely eat, and I'm slowly sinking into a depression stage. Every morning, I wake up and remember why I feel so disgusting and helpless. I don't even know what it feels like to be happy anymore. For moments, I hear the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. They stop, then I hear a knock on my door.

"Hey," Sam pops his head in as I sit up on my bed. "want to go get some ice cream? It's kind of hot outside."

I shake my head. "No thanks."

He lingers at the threshold for moments, then walks inside to sit beside me. I flinch as his hand touches my face to pull back my bangs.

"What's wrong with you? You're really pale."

"I'm just tired." I look away and face another direction.

"Brittany," he says softly and tilts his head down to meet my gaze. "tell the truth."

My spine quivers. I can't.

"I'm pregnant." I confess and he looks at me with wide eyes. His body scoots away; maybe in disgust.

"W-what? How? Who did you sleep with?"

"I didn't sleep with anyone, Sam."

"Then, how are you pregnant?!"

I don't answer.

"Brittany!"

"Artie raped me!" I shout and break down. He breathes out deeply and runs his hand through his blonde hair.

"Are you sure you're pregnant?"

"I took three tests." I reply and look to the floor. He curses under his breath and stands up while looking around the room nervously. His face went from a creamy color to pale, just like mine.

"What are you going to do?"

"I haven't decided. Artie wants me to get an abortion."

"What? You can't, Brittany. You can't! It's not the baby's fault!" his voice gets louder, but I step closer to him so he could lower his voice.

"Sam, you know how our parents will react when they find out I'm pregnant?"

"I'll help you! We could save the money from private school and go to a public school. Just...don't do that." his eyes look so hurt and saddened as soon as they meet mine. Now, I've decided that abortion will never be an option for me.

"I won't do it..." I breathe out and he sighs in relief while hugging me into his body. My body stays stiff; still I can barely stand someone even touching me. I'm traumatized. It might take a while before I can even have someone poke me; let alone hug me. I push away from his grip and he presses his lips together; remembering why I'm so terrified.

His jaw clenches angrily. "No one will ever touch you again." he whispers and I see tears fill his eyes.

I'm left speechless. His breathing is heavy, but I shake my head and rub his forearm to calm him down. For moments, he stands in place, looking at the space ahead of him. He's processing the information that not even _I _could take in.

"Let's go." I whisper and lead him out of my room. We walk to one of the diners around the block and sit across from each other in a booth. His face tells me that he's still in shock. I didn't mean to make it such a burden.

"Are you hungry?" he asks and I nod while looking at the small menu.

My eyes don't want to meet his. When I look around, I see someone familiar. The brunette from the party. She's cleaning counters and serving customers by the cash register. A forced smile comes across her face as customers exit the restaurant, then it fades and her face looks gloomy once more. Her wrist slides across her forehead, wiping the sweat, then she grabs a mop and disappears into the corridor of the restrooms. Sam calls for me and I focus on him again.

"I'll just get pasta." I state and push the menu aside while sipping the glass of water the waitress brought earlier. He nods and orders the same thing.

About ten minutes later, the waitress brings our food, but then I notice her tan complexion from the corner of my eye. It's the brunette. Immediately, I feel my stomach turn; I'm not so hungry any longer.

"Would you two like anything else?" she asks, then glances at me. My gaze is glued to her and I'm left speechless. Not a bad kind of speechless; a good kind. As if she took my breath away. Her hair is in a pony tail, accompanying a burgundy colored cap that say's 'Rudy's Place' in white letters. The smile she puts on might not be real, but you can see her amazing white teeth. Her shirt is white and her apron is red, while the pants that hug her waist are black. Our eyes meet for moments, then I find her name tag, but before I could read it, Sam answers her question. Then, she was gone.

"You okay, Brittany?" he asks and twirls the fork in his plate.

I nod and breathe out deeply. "I'm fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: **Hello! I know, I know, this chapter took kinda long; sorry. I've been busy -.- but here it is. I hope you guys are liking this story. It means a lot that it's being read. Well, yeah. Continue reading & thank you. (:

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Monday / September 11 / 2006

It's my first day at a public school with Sam. Plus, I'm starting off my senior year pregnant. Not the best thing ever, but I'll manage. My belly isn't showing quite yet, thankfully. I haven't even told my parents and I'm running out of time.

This school is different from my old school. It was a Christian school. They start mid-September and McKinley started the first. We wore uniforms and they didn't have girls and boys in the same classes. Except for Chemistry. That's where I met Artie. I was a new girl the first day of my 11th grade year. After being home schooled my entire life, I figured it'd be tough to make new friends. Artie was a sweetheart, he was my first friend, or so I thought. Gradually, he wanted more, but I rejected his invitations to dinner and such. Adam and Karen adored him. They bathed him with compliments and he received them with cockiness.

'A nice, Christian gentleman. Looks like your type' my father quoted every time he left our house. I've never had any kind of connection with him. Not a physical one, nor an emotional one. I don't want too, anyway.

What happened the night of the party, I blame myself. Everyday. My thoughts can't seem to escape my mind.

You should have been with Sam

You should have-

You could have-

I couldn't...but this is what happens when someone takes advantage of you. When you're too nice. When you give your trust to a person you thought would never hurt you. They abuse your kindness and make you weak. That night, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat.

I've been feeling nauseous for the past few weeks. Every piece of food I look at makes me want to vomit. At times, I do get hungry and eat something, but it comes back up for some reason. This should be normal. At least, I hope it is.

"Brittany?" I hear my name being called from inside the classroom as I walk quickly through the empty hall.

"Brittany Susan Pierce?"

"Here. Sorry." I apologize and take the seat he pointed at moments earlier.

"Welcome to McKinley. I'm Mr. Bailey, your homeroom and English teacher. I highly suggest you arrive early to my class." he explains and adjusts the glasses resting on his nose. The reason I was late was because I felt dizzy walking here, so I sat down for a while.

"Lopez," the teacher begins and stares at the back of the classroom. A girl with dark brown hair and eyes plops her head up from her crossed arms on the desk.

"Huh?" she grunts with weary eyes and stretches out her arms that show off her caramel colored skin.

"Did you do your Tardy Duty?"

She reaches for her backpack and pulls out a pink slip. Mr. Bailey walks over and snatches it from her hand while taking it back to his desk. Once he moves from her path, my eyes lock with the brunette's. A small smile comes across her face and I blush while turning toward the front of the class once more. It's her; from the party...and the diner. My nauseousness is replaced with butterflies. Why? I don't know, but I wish I did.

Lunch time. Sam already made friends, so it won't be a good idea to sit with him. It's because he joined the Christian Club and the swim team. He invited me over to the table he was going to, but I refused. Now, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria room watching the rest of the teens talk and laugh with their friends. I'm alone, once again. For moments, I peer to my left and to my right; searching for a place to sit. Then, I see her. The girl that somehow keeps popping into my life out I nowhere. She's sitting alone at the corner of the cafeteria. The fork in her hand continues to move around the section of peas on her tray. I bite my lip; deciding whether I should befriend her or not, but suddenly, someone taps my shoulder lightly.

"Hey, your the new girl, right?" A girl asks and smiles widely. She's one of the girls from that night; the blonde with braces.

"Um, yeah." I reply and she leads me to her table.

"Cool. I'm Riley, that's Monica and Tiffany." she points at another blonde; the one with acne scars, and a red head. I remember them from the party as well. They are three out of four girls from the party. I just wonder why the brunette is left as an outsider. When I look over to her, she's throwing her food in the trash and placing the tray aside. Riley notices and rolls her eyes while sighing dramatically.

"That's Santana. Don't talk to her. She's weird. Plus, she's such a slut. She slept with Puck," her finger leads to a guy with a Mohawk. "and other guys. Sophomore year, I heard she had sex with a guy in the back of his van."

All the girls scrunch their faces in disgust and gag as I watch Santana exit the cafeteria. As they continue to talk to one another, I race to the exit so that I can catch up to her, but she's gone and I don't know where she went. I look to my left and right, yet don't find any sight of her unique complexion within the small crowd. Something about her is intriguing; I just don't know what.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** I'm putting up two chapters because, well, this one is short and I feel like it. Haha. Enjoy.

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Tuesday / September 19 / 2006

I walk into the halls of McKinley. I'm never this tired or nauseous, but the reason why is so easy to put together. These days are getting harder and harder. The nights are getting sleepless, and the days are much longer. I stop at my locker and rest while closing my eyes. My head rests against the cool surface and I don't feel so dizzy anymore. Moments pass, I close my locker and continue walking to class.

_Boom_

_Boom_

_Boom_

My head pounds with every step I take. Why do I feel like I'm about to die? Could it be because I haven't slept or ate in days? Or is it this pregnancy thing? I don't know.

"Crap." I curse under my breath and stop while holding my head. For moments, I feel eyes bore into me. Santana is looking in my direction. She noticed. I feel dizzy and everything begins spinning. Voices of teens going to and fro from class to class fill my ears.

"Hey," someone grabs onto my forearm, but I don't answer. "are you okay? I could take you to the nurse."

It's her. My vision adjusts and I can see her a little more clearly. Her bright smile and brown hair stand out. The first bell rings.

"You'll be late." I reply dazedly.

"I've been late so many times it won't make a difference." she replies and giggles. I can barely hear her voice or see her face any longer. Suddenly, I collapse and land in her arms. All I hear is her cursing slightly under her breath.

"Nurse!" she shouts down the hall and tries holding me up. "nurse, someone, help!"

Squeaky footsteps grow louder and louder, then finally stop. My eyes envision a chubby woman before me, but I can't really see her face.

"Hello? Can you hear me?"

I don't respond. My eyes begin to shut slowly. Then, I black out.

/

I wake up in a small room. The room is white and bland like a doctor's office. On the counter ahead of me is a first aid kit with a box of latex gloves placed neatly beside it. The clock on the other side of the room mimics the pounding in my head. 2:58 pm. I slept through the whole day. My stomach feels queasy. I sigh and rest my hands on my abdomen.

She walks in. Santana. A small smile comes across her face and she places my things beside me. I flinch slightly and have my eyes glued to her as she stands before me.

"You okay?" she asks and crosses her arms.

I don't reply. I shouldn't be telling a person I barely know how I'm feeling. My emotions are everywhere because just the other day, I was looking for her when she walked out of the cafeteria.

She sighs and slides her hands down her thighs. "Well, um, I'm going to head out. Feel better."

I nod and sit on the edge of the nurse's leather bed. The dismissal bell rings and I notice everyone walking out of the classrooms. A young woman with a dirty blonde ponytail walks in and hands me some water with pretzels.

"Here sweetie," she says with a smile and places the items on my lap. "you look really pale. Get some rest and drink liquids."

I look up and meet her hazel-green eyes.

"You don't want to mess up that pretty face." she finishes and pinches my cheek lightly. My face grows stiff. A nervous giggle escapes my throat as I grab my things and exit the room.

I begin walking home, but stop and sit on the curb in the parking lot. Sam probably went home because he thought I got a ride. Now I'm stuck here. Still, I feel queasy; I'm stressing out and this can't be good for the baby.

A black Range Rover pulls up and stops before me. I begin to panic and flashbacks take over my mind. His sweating, his panting, his shoving. I race back into the school and catch my breath. When I peak out from the door exit, the SUV is no longer in sight.

Again, I begin my path back home. All I can think about is her. It was nice that she helped me, but we can't grow close. I'm pushing her away because I know that as soon as she finds out I'm pregnant, she'll leave. And my walls have to come back up again.


	6. Chapter 6

Friday / September 22/ 2006

The dismissal bell rang over an hour ago. I'm sitting in the same spot I was at last time I stayed behind; the curb in the parking lot. My eyes wander in search of something to keep my mind off of school, my pregnancy, and the flashbacks. The flashbacks are the worst. As soon as I close my eyes, he's all I see. Him. I stay awake at night, just so that he won't appear anymore.

"Hey," someone says suddenly and my skeleton jumps in my skin a little. I twist my head to check who it is and it's Santana.

"What? Are you stalking me now?" I ask sarcastically and she raises her eye brows at my attitude.

"I have swim practice. What are you still doing here? It's almost four."

"I can't find my brother." I reply annoyed and she nods understandingly.

"Who's your brother?"

"Sam Evans."

"Sam the Saint?" she asks as if I were joking. Her voice raises slightly in pitch and I turn to face her.

"Huh?"

"That's what everyone calls him. He's on the swim team too."

I don't respond, I know that already. She stays still beside me awkwardly and breathes out while drying her damp hair.

"Well, uh, I saw him getting into a van earlier with a couple of guys. You need a ride home?"

"I don't know you."

"Okay, I'm Santana." she begins and holds out her hand, but I don't shake it. "Hard headed, huh?" she says playfully with a giggle. I try to suppress my smile, but can't.

"Brittany." I tell her and she nods.

"I know. I had to wait for Mr. Bailey to call your name today in class since you didn't want to tell me the other day."

"Sorry, I've been...moody lately."

"I can tell. Where'd you come from?"

"A Christian school."

"Makes sense." she states under her breathe and looks down. "Well, anyway, do you still want a ride?"

I nod and she smiles, a genuine smile, as she stands up. The keys jingle in her hand as she looks for the alarm button on the key chain. She presses a button and the car unlocks automatically. It's a black Range Rover. The same one I ran away from the other day. She gets in, but then opens the door and looks at me staring at her car in fear.

"You okay?" she asks and I nod while getting in the passenger seat.

The drive was slow and quiet. Not awkward, like I thought it'd be. After point left and right for many blocks, we finally make it close to my house.

"This is the gated community. My dad lives here."

"So, where do you live?"

"I rent an apartment. He wanted privacy with his, now third, wife."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. He always says he'll never find another one like my mom, but he keeps looking. It doesn't make sense."

"I know the feeling..." I say in a low tone and a shy smile comes across her lips as she puts the car in park. After seconds of waiting, I dismiss myself and thank her for the ride. She watches me walk into my front door, then drives off. For some reason, all I wanted to do was sit in there with her. The silence is a comfortable silence that can be kept for eternity. It's what I've wanted after so much stress. Even if it was for thirty seconds.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday / September 24 / 2006

I awake to a massive head ache. The room is spinning and I can barely breathe. All the articles online said that I haven't been drinking enough water, so Sam was nice enough to bring me some. I called him earlier because I couldn't go downstairs; my parents would suspect something since I never wear heavy sweaters. Unfortunately, they followed Sam upstairs and into my room. As soon as Sam closes the door behind him and hands me the glass of water, there's a loud knock.

"Hello? What are you two up to?"

My mouth becomes dry at the sound of his voice. He opens the door, just enough so that his head fits, and then eyes both Sam and I oddly.

"What's wrong with you?" he asks me in particular and opens the door wider. "Well, do I get an answer?"

I look at Sam and he nods slightly, telling me that I should tell them already. I sigh deeply and lick my dry lips.

"I'm pregnant." I say shakily and my heart begins beating faster and faster. His eyes avert to Sam, then back to me.

"Don't be foolish." he states as if I were joking. Silence fills the space before us, but I can easily hear the pounding of his heart increasing with anger. "You had sex before marriage?!"

"It's not called sex if you didn't want to do it!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Artie raped me!" I sob and he shakes his head in denial.

"Liar." he says huskily and steps closer, while I step back.

"Why would I lie about that?"

He smacks me and Sam tries to get to him, but Karen stops him in his path.

"You never liked him, I knew you didn't, but don't blame him for wanting to act like trash!" he shouts. The veins in his neck and head scare me, like if they were going to attack me as well.

"Don't you ever touch her." Sam hisses and my father glances at him, then locks eyes with mine.

"I want you out before dawn." he demands and glares at me one last time before heading out to his bedroom. Karen goes along behind him, while Sam stands in place still slightly angry. A loud sob escapes my throat as I race out to the backyard.

I'm sitting in my backyard, on the bench, waiting for my mother to come out and console me like she used to, but that's not going to happen. It won't anymore. My family has fallen part before me and I can't do anything to stop it. Why is she not here when I need her? She's the only one I need.

_Ocean eyes, ocean eyes_  
_Don't you cry_  
_The storm has blown over_  
_Look up at the sky_

My eyes drift shut as the cool, autumn breeze flows through my hair. Multiple tears stream down my face while I inhaling deeply. Everything out here reminds me of her. As soon as I open my eyes, Sam appears from beside me. I heard the crackling of leaves and knew, but it still seemed to startle me a little. He sits next to me and wraps one of his toned arms over my shoulder. I shrug him off, not wanting anyone to touch me ever again. He doesn't understand what I'm going through. No one will.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday / September 25 / 2006

I'm sitting on the curb in the parking lot. This time, I'm kind of hungry, but the thought of not having a home throws me off. Ever since my mother died, I started noticing my days getting worse. I wake up everyday, thinking I'll see her face or hear her laugh, but I won't. I wish I did. When I look up, I feel her, but I want her beside me; like before. I take in the cool breeze and look up at the warm sun. Knowing that I need her now more than ever just makes me more depressed than before.

Then, I hear footsteps against the sidewalk floor. Santana sees me and tries to hold our gaze, but I break it off. She comes up next to me and sits down while running her hand through her damp hair. I inhale her scent from the small breeze that blew in front of me as she bent down. She smells of chlorine, mixed with a soft spray of lavender chamomile; my favorite.

"Let me guess, swim practice?" I ask and throw a stone from the ground to the other side. She giggles.

"Yeah..." she replies and looks to where the stone lands, then back to me. "Um, are you okay? Do you need a ride home? I can-"

"Look, I don't have a home, so just... leave me alone."

I hug my backpack to my stomach and quickly walk away.

"What?" she says in shock; it sounds like shes miles away, but she's not. That's when I notice the wind blowing past me and everything is going too fast. I hear her footsteps coming, stomping, pounding against the cement, and then- "come to my place." she states, already standing before me. Our eyes are locked and I'm slowly trying to control my breathing after the fast pace that I was going.

"I barely know you. Just because you gave me a ride home doesn't mean we're friends."

My voice; so bitter and ungrateful. Her reaction makes me regret ever speaking in the first place. I can feel the hurt sink into her heart as it pounds in her chest. "But if you don't have a home, where will you go?" she asks weakly and looks at me hopefully. Sympathetically.

I sigh deeply and she raises her eye brows, waiting for an answer.

"C'mon..." she whispers and pulls on the strap of my backpack towards her car. I bite my lip while giving in to her offer. We walk to her black Range Rover and she throws her duffel bag along with her backpack in the truck. Sam helped me pack this morning, so I have a duffel bag too. She puts that in and smiles as she closes the trunk door.

/

We arrive at her apartment and she unloads all the bags from the trunk, including mine, then leads me into the complex. We enter her home; I gaze in every corner of the living room. It's comfy and small; nice for someone like her. I follow behind her and she sets down my bags in a room next to her's. The position of the bed mimics her own, as well as the dressers.

"Your stuff can go in here," she taps all the drawers on the dresser and then opens the closet.

"I don't always have people over, so I'm not really that much fun. Just come out after you get settled and we could have dinner or something."

I nod shyly and she smiles while scratching her head awkwardly, then walking out.

After placing all my things in it's proper place, I shower and walk out to the living room. Santana is cooking something that smells really nice. Nervousness kicks in. All the butterflies begin flying everywhere without a care. A soft smile comes across my face and I see her return my gesture.

"I made us dinner. It's rice with chicken, peas, and some spice I learned how to make at work."

"It smells nice." I state and she thanks me, then hands me a plate. She serves us both, then brings drinks to the table. Water and apple juice.

"Where do you work?" I ask as if I didn't remember the last time she served Sam and I.

"The diner down the block."

"Oh...I've seen you." I reply casually and she giggles.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

She sits down across from me and we begin eating. It's silent. The silence I craved to have since...I don't know when. A relaxing, tension free silence that just makes me feel so much better.

"Santana..." I whisper and she locks her eyes with mine. "Thanks for this. For letting me stay."

"No prob." she replies and looks deeply into my eyes, but then quickly looks back down at her plate. She's shy. I can feel it in the air when I look at her. She might think it's hard to tell when she blushes, but it's clear. And the way she smiles while looking downward just gives it away. It's like, she makes it so easy. Yet, so hard.

"So, why'd they kick you out?" she asks in between the silence and fills her mouth with food.

"My grades aren't the best."

I'm lying and I know it's wrong, but I have no choice. I'll tell her, I know I will. Just not yet. For now, I'll cherish my time with her. Already, I can tell that she has a bigger heart than a normal person and that's exactly what I need right now.

* * *

**Author's note:** Hi, guys! Yeah, I know the chapters have been short, but they'll get longer. (I hope) haha. Well, I hope this chapter satisfied you. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.


	9. Chapter 9

Thursday / October 5 / 2006

The final bell rings, Santana meets me by my locker, as usual. As we walk out, she plays with the keys in her hand and stops.

"I need to meet up with someone, is that okay?"

I nod and she leads us to a white van on the other side of the parking lot. She gets in and stays in there for over an hour. When I peek inside, there's a guy smiling at her as she fixes her hair in a loose ponytail. I'm sitting on the curb by the handicap section of the street. For moments, I contemplate whether to stay or just go walking somewhere else. I don't know where, but somewhere away from here. So, I walk. Soon enough, I hear the car door slam shut from across the lot.

"Hey!" Santana shouts to get my attention, but I keep walking. Her feet bang against the asphalt to catch up to me, and she does. "What are you doing?"

Her hand reaches for my arm, but I flinch and move away from her.

"I'm not going to wait around for hours just so you can fuck some guy in the back of a van."

"What? I haven't slept with anyone!"

"That's not what I heard." I retort and continue my path to the sidewalk. She sighs in frustration and fixes the backpack on her shoulder.

"We were just talking, I swear, Brittany."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. You don't need to." she says coldly and I feel more pressure against my chest. A slight groan escapes her throat as I move farther and farther away. Tension is building up; I've always hated this feeling.

"Wait," she tells me and stops in front of me. Her eyes beg for me to just stop and listen, because it's obvious that no one ever does. Mine don't meet her's, though. "wait, Brittany. Can we talk?"

Our eyes finally lock. They look so helpless, maybe mine do too. She sits down on the curb and pats the space next to her. I take it and place my backpack down.

"What'd they tell you?" she asks and looks down at the pavement. Immediately, my brain figures out what she's talking about.

"They said you were a slut and you've been with all the guys at school...including a guy named Puck..."

She shakes her head and lets out a soft chuckle, but then a small frown comes to her face. "You don't believe them, right?" she asks in a whisper.

Her eyes meet mine once again and we stare at each other for moments, but then she averts her gaze to a different direction as I shrug for an answer.

"Um, anyway, let's go home." she says and grabs my backpack for me along with hers.

Minutes later, we're finally in her apartment. I take a seat on her couch as she walks to the kitchen and sets her backpack on the counter. She pulls out a bottle of Vodka from it and holds it up to me. "You want a drink?"

I shake my head, not wanting any. "I didn't know you were the drinking type."

"Oh, I'm not. My dad sends his friend to give me drinks like this because he works for the corporation. Plus, he helps me with rent. That's what I was doing in the van." she states with a sigh and sets the bottle aside. Guilt sinks into me. I shouldn't have said those things to her.

"So, Puck wasn't in the van?" I ask as she pours something hot into a bowl.

"Puck?" she pauses and looks at the counter nervously. "N-no. Hell no. That wasn't him." she says frantically and hands me a glass of orange juice while setting down some chicken noodle soup on the small coffee table.

She sips on the water in her hand, and then sets it on the table as well. To be honest, her place is beautiful. I hadn't taken the time to cherish its beauty. Pictures, of only a woman, are scattered around almost every table. The main colors of her decor are olive green, beige and brown. They go together perfectly and the lamps on the lamp stands bring out the comfort in the living room.

After moments, I stay silent. We glance at each other awkwardly, but then she turns on the TV with the volume on low. She hugs her knees to her chest and squints to see the TV. I smile to myself and look down at the cup in my hand.

"So...you just hook up?" I ask and glance at her nervously.

"Nope. I'm better off alone."

"Sounds fun..." I reply sarcastically and rock to and fro on the couch. "Don't you have any other friends?"

"Quinn and Rachel, but they're a couple, so I stay away. Relationships are so pointless. Someone always gets hurt."

My mouths opens in a slight 'o' shape. That's understandable, in a way. But I can't help but wonder if she ever gets lonely without any company. Maybe, maybe not. For about an hour, we just stay sitting on the couch pretending to watch TV. Maybe I just like her presence. I've never had a friend that listens or talks as much as she does. I'm beginning to find myself intrigued by her character.

I look around the room and pick up a picture frame with a pregnant woman eating a hamburger happily. She looks like an older version of Santana, except her skin has a lighter complexion.

"Is this your mom?" I ask while still looking down at the picture. She nods and scoots closer beside me.

"Yeah, that's before she died."

My heart drops because all I can think about is mine.

"What about yours?" she asks in a low tone as I set down her photograph.

"She's not alive either. She had cancer. What happened to yours?"

"She died while giving birth to me. It's crazy what moms do for their child, huh?"

I nod while she steps into the kitchen for a bit. My arms cross to my chest, but lower down just enough to hold my stomach. I can feel the bump almost forming. It scares me because once I tell her, I'm on my own.

"It's getting late. I should go do homework and get to bed." I tell her and point to the guest room.

She nods and steps out of the kitchen to come closer to me. "Yeah, yeah sure." she states and runs her sweaty hands down her jeans. I try and walk passed her, but she seems to block my path. I look at her and she apologizes while moving to the left.

"'Night." she states quietly and smiles.

"'Night." I say back and continue walking to my room.

As I lie in bed, I can hear her humming from the other side of the wall that separates us. My lips form into a small grin. It's funny because I feel closer to her than with my own father, and I barely know her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: **To be honest, I wanted to take this story down and put up my other one. Haha. But a lot of people seem to like it and that just makes me happy. You guys are awesome and always find a way to motivate me. Thanks for everything and have a nice read. (:

* * *

Tuesday / October 10 / 2006

The baby bump is starting to show even more now, and I can't keep lying to Santana. It's eating me up inside. She's such a sweet person and she deserves an honest friend. I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, replaying and practicing how I'm going to tell her in my head. Who knew it'd be this hard? Suddenly, she calls my name because she was preparing dinner earlier. I walk out slowly with a small smile, then sit down. She sets a plate before me. It's spaghetti. I force a smile to my face and feel guilt sink in just a little more. All the things she's doing for me just make me feel like I'm betraying her and she doesn't deserve that.

"Do you not like spaghetti?" She asks and stands next to me while cleaning her hands on a napkin.

"It's fine."

She nods unconvinced, then places a glass of water a little beside my dish. I feel nauseous. All I want to do is take a shower and sleep forever. Soon enough, she sits down across from me and our eyes lock. She smiles then picks up her fork; I do the same.

"How was your day?" she asks and twirls her fork in her dish. "It was kind of warm today, wasn't it? Almost seventy-five degrees."

She raises her eyebrows because I haven't taken a bite. So, I take about two and sip some water. My stomach can't even hold it down because I'm so nervous. The nauseousness passes, then returns at a higher state. I race into the bathroom. What I just chewed up comes flowing out. Gross. Santana races behind me and comes in. Her face scrunches a little, but then she begins rubbing my back for support.

"Are you okay?" she asks and holds my hair back. I nod and gently lift my body back up. She hands me some water and I sip some, then swish it in my mouth and spit it out.

"Maybe it was the food. Or just a virus."

"Yeah," I say breathlessly while sticking the piece of gum in my mouth. "just a virus."

We walk out and sit on the couch. She hands me some crackers because I look pale and out of energy, but I'm not hungry. Then, she insists on getting me drink some apple juice, so I gulp some down. Tension fills the air I breathe. I can feel it and I'm sure she can feel it too.

"I'm pregnant." I blurt out and she giggles nervously while adjusting her legs on the couch.

"What? You're joking right?"

I shake my head and put the box of juice on the coffee table. "I lied when I told you my parents kicked me out for having bad grades. They kicked me out cause of my pregnancy."

Her eyes look around the room in shock. Tension builds up higher as seconds pass by. She adjusts her position on the couch once more, then looks down at my hands as I hold my stomach. This is too much. It's just too much for me to handle. I need to end it as fast as possible because I feel like all the liquids I've been drinking might come up out of no where.

"What's happening has to stop before we grow closer. I can't have people coming in, then stepping out. It's stressful and I can't deal with it anymore." my voice sounds shaky. It's the last thing I want to listen to right now. I race to my bedroom and take deep breaths in and out. I reach for the duffel bag beside the closet and begin stuffing my clothes inside. Then, I stop. Breathing is getting harder and harder to do. Stress isn't good for the baby. Not now, not at all.

Hours later, my chest rises and descends normally. It went from 6:00 in the evening to 10:46 at night. Time is passing faster than I expected. Again, I begin packing my belongings. From the drawers to everything in the bathroom. Soon enough, Santana comes in and stares at me without knowing what to do.

"Don't worry, I'm packing my things. I'll be out before tomorrow morning." I tell her and sniff to try to hold back tears.

There's a pause. She just stands before me, motionless. I hear her take a deep breathe and swallow hard.

"I don't care." she begins weakly and steps closer slowly. "I don't care if you're pregnant."

"It's okay, Santana. I'll figure things out."

"Don't, Brittany." she demands and takes a bunch of clothes out of my bag. I take it back and stuff I back inside.

"You don't know what I'm going through, Santana. You can ask me questions and I'll give you answers, but you still won't understand what goes through my head everyday."

"Then share it with me. I know its not mine, but...I want to be there for you."

I look into her eyes and see that she's being sincere. They're damp and a tear is ready to fall any second. A soft 'please' escapes her lips and I break. The pressure on my chest is finally lifted off and I can breathe once again.

"Okay." I whisper and she sighs in relief. She places the shirts in her hand on the bed and sits down while patting the space beside her for me.

"Who's the dad?" she asks and looks at my stomach, then into my eyes. I look away and get ready to tell her the worst part of this entire situation.

"Artie raped me." I whisper quietly and shakily. Air gets caught in her throat, but she does her best to keep her cool. She adjusts her position on the bed; her knees to chest.

"...Puck wore a condom with me. Sneaky, right?" she confesses and when I look at her, I see a tear falling down her cheek.

"I didn't want to, and he knew. They were laughing; Riley, Monica, and Tiffany. They laughed the entire time I was screaming for help. I begged and yelled...they just laughed." her eyes become so fragile after all the time I got used to seeing them so strong. She's ashamed; embarrassed and I know the feeling. It takes over every part of your body and doesn't let you think. Now, if you put all the pieces together from the night of the party, it all makes sense.

"After he got off of me, I punched Riley in the face for not doing anything. Then, she started spreading all these rumors around school. I guess now I'm a slut."

Now, she's sitting Indian style, while wiping her tears. I want to hug her, I want to feel her warmth so badly, but I don't know if I'll have the courage to. Both she and I must be gentle with our actions. We're at such a fragile state, either of us can break at the slightest fear of something. It may conjure the horrid memory.

"Have you seen a doctor?" she asks suddenly, I shake my head.

"Okay well, I'll look up some doctors online. You need to see one."

"Wait, why? How do you know?" I ask nervously.

"You were supposed to see one the first eight weeks. My cousin was pregnant before she moved to California. Her boyfriend owns a business there, but they come once and a while. I helped her through everything."

I look to the floor, finally taking in the reality of this situation. Her eyes look down too, mimicking mine. Then, she sighs wearily and glances at me.

"Just trust me, okay? I know it's hard for you, but I promise you're safe with me."

I nod and look up at the empty space ahead of me. She sits beside me, analyzing the language my body is speaking. She probably knows me better than anyone else, and we just met about a month ago. Fortunately, ever since I met her, the flashbacks are fading. This is it. The beginning of what has become the rest of my life.


	11. Chapter 11

/ The Next Day /

Since we have a late start day for school, Santana stays in bed a little later than usual. I don't mind, I just lie in bed as well. When I went to peek in her room earlier, I noticed she has the bed set in the same corner as I do. So, I just imagine her next to me. I turn my body sideways and pretend she's beside me; humming me back to sleep. I believe that what I told her yesterday made us closer because after I confessed, I finally noticed there's still hope in this ugly, ugly world. She understood what happened and doesn't judge me for it.

I managed to sleep a little longer, but then I feel someone nudge my shoulder lightly. It's Santana. I jerk up and look at the clock. 10:32 am.

"We're late for school, San! What the-"

"Brittany," she stops me from jumping out of bed and laughs. "it's fine. One day won't kill you."

I sigh and smile while heading for the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once I finish, she notices I keep spitting because the paste makes me nauseous. So do all the perfumes and scents of many types.

"I found you a doctor. Her name is Dr. Nancy Garcia. She has high ratings and it's around the corner." she hands me a print out of the woman's history and I smile while reading it in the process.

"Your first appointment is later today since you've never had one. So, no school."

I giggle. "Thanks." I say and sit down next to her while holding my stomach and looking forward. My hand is next to her hand, and I want to hold it so badly, but I don't. So many questions fill my head. Will she pull away? Will she get scared of me? Or will she hold onto me like I need her to?

"The night of the party... Were you scared?" I ask in a whisper and her eyes transform into weak ones.

A small gulp is accompanied by a small nod as her eyes stay glued to the ground. "I still am."

She tries reaching for my hand, but I flinch at her sudden movement.

"Sorry, I didn't want to scare you." she states while looking at me in panic. I close my eyes and breathe out deeply, then inhale once more. His hand slides up my thigh and covers my mouth tightly. One flashback; I'm weak again.

That's the past.

It's over.

It's done.

I shouldn't worry anymore.

"It's okay." I reply with a half hearted smile as my eyes open once more and lock with hers. She knows what I'm going through; what happened. That's why she's so patient because if it were anyone else, I would be out on the street by now.

/ An hour until the appointment /

I'm nervous. Santana said that I was supposed to have a check up long ago. The nauseousness is starting to subside, but I'm still tired and really emotional.

After waiting in the waiting room or more than enough time, I get called in. Santana stays seated reading a magazine as I stand up.

"You're not coming?" I ask and she looks up from the small booklet.

"Oh, um, yeah sure."

She follows the nurse assistant behind me and we enter a room. Someone knocks, then a woman pops her head in. She's wearing a long, white coat with a pink nurse uniform under.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Nancy Garcia. You must be, Brittany." she holds her hand out for me to shake and I do. Then she sets her folders down and turns to Santana. "You must be Santana."

Santana nods and shakes her hand.

"Cutest couple I've seen in years." she says with a grin and I suppress my smile, but then feel my face flush red. Santana giggles nervously and rubs the back of her neck.

"She's just my friend..." she corrects her and Dr. Garcia smirks while looking at her clipboard.

"That's what they all say" she says under her breath and I just watch Santana squirm in her spot. It's cute. She's cute.

"Okay, Brittany. Since this is your first appointment, it'll take a while. Plus, you say you're about three months?"

I nod.

"Maybe we can determine your baby's sex!" she says happily and I smile widely.

First, she weighs me, checks my heart beat and does other things. Then, she has me lie down. Her hands reach for a gel to spread on my stomach, then she glides a beeping device to and fro, around my belly. I hear the baby's heart beat and feel my heart clench. This is really happening.

"Everything seems fine." she tells me and smiles while taking off the device.

"Next, we're going to do a pap smear." she states and Santana's eyes widen.

"Um, I should go outside and-"

"What's that?" I interrupt and she shakes her head.

"Nothing. Just relax. I'll go-"

"I think she's going to need you, sweetie." the doctor tells her and slips on fresh gloves. Santana looks at me with wide eyes and swallows hard. She stands beside me as I stay down on my back, watching Dr. Garcia preparing for the next procedure she's about to do.

"This is a speculum." she informs me and holds up a metal instrument.

"Please tell me that's going to detect my baby's sex or something." I say in fear and Santana giggles nervously.

"No, I'm sorry. I'll need to stick this up your vaginal canal to see if you have any infections or STD's."

She orders me to spread my legs and I do. My heart rate is slowly decreasing, then bouncing back up again. This is embarrassing, mostly because I'm attracted to Santana and she's watching me in the most awkward situation I could ever be in. Dr. Garcia rubs a type of liquid on the object, and then tells me to relax. As soon as she slides it in, I close my eyes in pain. Santana's hand is a little beside mine, so I grab it tightly and she does the same.

"It's okay, Britt. Hang in there." she whispers and strokes my index finger with her thumb. The sense of security that her body gives off calms me down enough so that I can finally breathe. Many painful moments later, the pressure is finally coming to an end.

"All done." Dr. Garcia states and cleans up the area surrounding her. I sigh in relief and open my eyes. Santana is smiling, while glancing at my bump. It's not very big, but it's noticeable.

"If there are any problems, we'll give you a call." she disposes her gloves in the trash can, then washes her hands. After she dries up, she gives Santana a piece of paper, then looks over to me. "This is a prescription to prenatal vitamins. Drink one once a day. You shouldn't have any side effects, but if you do, stop taking them. Do you girls have any questions?"

"Did you find out the sex?" I ask and she nods.

"Yes, yes! Sorry I couldn't show you on the screen. It just takes a while to see it clearly at your time." she answers and hands me black and white ultrasound pictures. "Looks like it's a boy." she says with a smile and Santana's eyes light up. After moments of gathering her things, she smiles, tells us to have a nice day, and walks out. I'm still lying on my back, with my shirt up because the gel still hasn't dried. Santana can't keep her eyes off the bump. It's about medium size, and just waiting to get bigger.

"Can I feel?" she asks softly and I nod. Her soft, warm hands cup the lower part of my stomach. Her eyes lock with mine, they look so happy. I've never seen her smile so widely. My left hand gently rests on hers. It took me a lot of courage to just hold her hand, but it's a step. A big step from how terrified I was before.

"Well, c'mon. We need to get those vitamins." she helps me up and we head out to the pharmacy.

"So, are you keeping him?" she asks and glances to her right, then at me once more. I look a her with raised eyebrows and she adjusts her hands on the steering wheel nervously.

"I saw you looking at adoption pamphlets in the waiting room."

She noticed. My throat becomes dry as she pulls up in the parking lot of the pharmacy. I've thought about it, yes, but if only she knew what I'll think of when I look at him. He'll be a reminder of that night, but then again, he'll be my child. My own blood. How could I give that up? If I gave him away, how could I look at another baby again?


	12. Chapter 12

Friday / October 27 / 2006

It's after school and Santana isn't by my locker, like she always is. She's been practicing and working so much, I hardly see her. I miss her to be completely honest

"Here, this is the key to my car and this is to the apartment. I have swim practice so I'll be home later." she places keys into the palm of my hand and I raise my eye brows in confusion.

"How will you get home?" I ask as the keys jingle in my hand.

"I'll walk. I work later anyway. Bye."

She runs in the opposite direction and I sigh. Suddenly, someone grabs my shoulder and I turn around abruptly.

"Woah, it's me Brittany." Sam says with his hands in the air and wide eyes. I cross my arms.

"Where have you been? Haven't see you in a while." I state firmly and he begins to take out things from his pocket.

"You know how your dad is. He hired some guy to take me to and from school so that I wouldn't talk to you."

I look away because I can feel tears forming in my eyes. It's hurts me that his ego is taking over us. We're supposed to be family. Being pregnant just makes me all that emotional.

"How have you been with the baby? I can see your showing now. Here, take this." he hands me some cash, but I push it away.

"I don't need that Sam."

"Fine, then take this." he hands me a piece of paper and opens it up in the process. "Your dad tried taking it until you were eighteen, but I figured you'd need it now."

I read the bold letters and see that my mother put her savings account under my name. My eyes widen at the amount. It's enough to buy a house. As soon as I look up, a tear streams down my face. Sam smiles halfheartedly and puts his hands in his pocket. He's the only man that actually protects me with his life.

"Thanks." I whisper and he nods while stepping back.

"Gotta go to practice. See ya'." he states and rubs my arm sympathetically while running off. After about twenty minutes, I head for the gym. When I step inside, I see Santana swimming to and fro. Her skin glistens as the light hits the water droplets on her face perfectly. I breathe in the smell of chlorine and exhale deeply. She comes up from under the water and leans against the edge. "What are you doing here?" she asks and wipes her damp face with her hand.

"I thought I'd wait until you got out." I reply with a soft smile.

She smiles as well and licks her wet lips. "I'll be out in a sec." she splashes back into the water, then gets out from the stairs on the other side and races into the locker room. I see Sam walking into the boys locker room too, but it's too late to call his name. Santana comes back with a towel over her shoulder. She changed into her work uniform. It's okay, I don't mind, but she's always working or at practice and I just need someone to distract me from the silence I encounter. It eats me up, but I can manage.

/

Don't repeat this to anyone, Brittany

Don't _scream_

Don't _cry_

Don't _yell_

Because you know you can't _tell_

It feels like his hands are wrapped around my neck. I jerk awake from my nightmare with a loud groan and look at my surroundings. Nothing's happening, but it all seemed so real. Sweat covers my forehead and the rhythm of my heart is making me dizzy. I almost forgot I was lying on the couch. Suddenly, Santana races to my side, but stops half way 'cause of my fragile state. I sit up on the cushion frantically and push myself backwards so my back is against the arm rest. My head shakes repeatedly, telling her to go away; to step back because I might go crazy.

"Shhh, Brittany." she whispers and steps closer to me slowly. My breathing is coming back to normal, but I can still feel my heart pumping loudly. Her eyes look so sincere and honest; not like anyone's I've seen before. I swallow hard as a tear streams down my cheek. When she finally makes it close enough, she kneels down beside me and just watches me.

"C'mere," she says and I look at her hesitantly. I'm afraid, but why should I be? Santana is the most loving person I've ever met. She scoots closer, but I stay stiff in place. Her arms wrap around me. I stay frozen, but gently loosen my muscles at her warmth.

"I won't hurt you." she whispers once again in my ear and I close eyes to inhale her scent, trying not to remember his. I don't. I just inhale her. A sob escapes my throat; all she does is console me. Her right hand strokes my hair gently, while her other hand stays in the small pit of my lower back with her thumb stroking up and down. My mind goes blank; he's gone. Finally, moments of serenity.

We lock eyes and she smiles softly. I can tell that I make her heart ache. She rubs my forearm gently and goes back into the kitchen, where assume she was before. Grocery bags cover almost half of the counter. It's almost midnight, meaning she must have went after her shift at work.

"I went to that new market down the street and got organic stuff. Whole wheat bread and fresh fruit." she bends down to take the products out of the bags. My eyes analyze her as much as they can. Her heart; so big and full of grace. Her beauty; not like anyone I've ever seen before. And overall very thoughtful. It's nice to know she remembered me when she was at the store. I begin to bend down as well, but she swats me away. We both agree to let me fix the items properly. She hands me all the grocery items. One by one, I stack them and she watches in fascination. I learned from my mother. She and I would fix the cupboards and the fridge everyone we went grocery shopping. Who knew that little things could also bring up amazing memories, too.

"Britt," she whispers and stops handing me things. "You okay?"

I nod and smile. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, go for it."

"...Why are you helping me?"

She sets aside a can of corn and bites her lip in thought. "You've been hurt by the people that were supposed to protect you."

"So, _you_ want to protect me now?"

She shakes her head and throws all the disposable bags aside. "Not protect you. Heal you."

My heart accelerates at full velocity and my stomach grows thousands of butterflies. She stands up and comes closer to me, but I step back nervously. I can practically hear the thump of my heart along with the baby's. She takes off her apron and hat, then throws them aside on the couch. Suddenly, I remember the small basket I got from Sam's mom's store. Quickly, I race into my room and grab it before she heads to the shower.

"I got this for you." I say and hand it to her with a weak smile. "My step mom works in a beauty salon. It has shampoo and conditioner that helps restore your hair. Plus, some body wash and perfume that helps your skin from the chlorine."

"Oh, thanks." she flips open the top of a bottle of body wash and sniffs. "Mm, lavender and chamomile."

I smile and nod. "Yeah, I picked the one that made me less nauseous."

She giggles and holds the small basket in her hands. "I love it, thank you." she states and looks deeply into my eyes. They sparkle in the light and her skin shimmers as well. She's beautiful. She's caring. She's everything anyone could ask for. She's everything I'm realizing I need.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: **hello my fellow Brittana shippers. These last few weeks have been pretty hectic for me and I'm trying to keep up with updating this story as much as I can. I'm sorry to say that this story is about to come to an end. I'm going to be updating more frequently, or maybe just all at once since I have the chapters complete already. I'll be making another, but not so soon. Hope you guys understand why I'm doing this and enjoy these next few chapters. Please remember that I'm always here if you need me. Thanks a lot and read all day every day! Even if it's not one of my stories. (:

* * *

Friday / December 15 / 2006

I'm doing really well with the baby. Santana and I figured out a name for him. Ethan John Pierce. She liked it. I came up with Ethan and she came up with John. They go together. Just like her and I do.

But lately, we've been distant. It's me; I'm pushing her away. I want to be alone all the time and she ends up letting me be because she knows I need space. That just leaves me to mourn with my thoughts, though. Like, how will I take care of this child? What if I can't?

So many questions left with no answers.

I woke up in the middle of the night and ended up vomiting on the bathroom floor. She told me to not order the shrimp for dinner yesterday, but I didn't listen. I'm guessing she heard from her room since she came in really quick.

I'm so sorry. Here let me get a towel.

No, Brittany. It's fine. I'll clean it, go lie down.

A smile came across her face, but I swear she looked so tired after everything was cleaned up. Her face; so beautiful, but weary, she could use a couple of days to sleep. I end up giving her more stress apart from work, school and swim practice.

Now, I'm not really asleep. My eyes are closed as I rest my head on the pillow below me. My room door opens slightly and makes a low rusty noise that makes my spine shiver. It's almost 7:30 in the morning. Santana is standing by the threshold, watching me. I can feel her smile with her eyes and heart. My mind even paints a picture of how she looks. Her arms are crossed as a soft smile plants across her face. She analyzes every aspect of my body; from head to toe. Her eyes look tender as her shyness takes over and she looks to the floor. It makes me feel warm inside to know that someone enjoys my presence. Even if its just for a little while. Then, I hear the rusty door again as she tries her best to close it softly. A smile comes across my lips as I embrace the feeling of pure kindness she left in the room. She really gets under my skin, in a good way.

/

The dismissal bell is about to ring and I'm on my way to McKinley. Santana will still have swim practice, but there are never any people when she's in the pool area, so ill just wait until she's done. I walk into the gym and search for her in the pool. The splashing is so obvious, so I find her easily.

"Hey, Britt. What are you doing here? I thought you stayed home."

"I felt lonely." I reply and look down shyly. She tilts her head a little low as well to meet my gaze, then smiles softly. Truth is, I missed her. Not hearing her whistling or singing just makes the apartment feel so ugly. Barely spending time with her just makes me really unhappy and I hate the feeling. I feel my eyes water, but it's okay because they're tears of joy. Her eyes widen in fear, but I assure her that I'm fine.

"My hormones are everywhere," I begin and wipe the tears from my cheeks while sitting on some bleachers, close to the pool's edge. "I get mad easily; one minute I'm happy and the other I'm sad. I can't even watch those commercials with the abused animals because they make me cry."

She tries to suppress her grin, but fails and ends up laughing so loud that the walls echo her tone throughout the building.

"That's not funny." I state with a semi-serious face. Now, her laughter is coming to an end, but she giggles nonetheless.

"It kinda is." she finishes breathlessly and goes down into the water to wet her hair. It's amazing how without make up and without her hair all tied up she still seems to take my breath away. She doesn't usually wear make up, unless she's going to work. Her sparkling eyes lock with mine and I feel my insides flip uncontrollably. She smiles softly once again and then comes toward the edge of the pool. I splash water at her, and she does it back, but suddenly, I slip into the water along with her. My clothes get soaked, as well as my hair. I can hear her laughing as I come back up for a breath of air.

"Holy crap, are you okay?" she asks and comes closer to me. My reaction seems to scare her, so I splash some water in her face to lighten up the mood. Another laugh escapes her lips.

"Who's going to teach Ethan how to swim if you can barely paddle?"

"I can swim! But you'll do it anyway, right? I mean, you'll be like his second mom."

She looks shocked. Not a bad kind of shocked, but a good kind. The sparkle in her eyes relieves the tensions I thought was forming in the air.

"Yeah..." she breathes out with a wide smile. "Yeah, of course."

Her eyes meet mine instantly; slowly, she steps closer and closer to me. A weak smile comes to her face as her hands cup my baby bump from beneath the water. I glance down, then back up at her. She really cares for me. US. Ethan and I. Her hands slide up; going over every curve, stretch mark, and freckle on my body. Her hands are now caressing my neck as her eyes memorize every aspect of my skin.

"Beautiful..." I hear her whisper ever so timidly. Our faces are centimeters apart; I can hear her breathing hard. The glossy shine on her lips just makes me weak to the knees and I can't help but lean in closer to her. My hands grab onto her hips as hers stay around my neck. Our lips touch electrifyingly and I feel my spine tingle with such intensity, I'm sure she felt it as well.

Suddenly, the door to the boys locker room slams and my heart stops. Our lips separate and we turn to face where the sound came from. No one in sight. Santana shrugs and I do the same, but wonder who it could have been. She smiles at me, then holds my hand for us to get out carefully and head home.

After dinner, there's a knock on the door, so Santana races to answer it. High pitches screams are followed by hugs and kisses everywhere. She tells me to come to the door and I do, but feel a certain pang of discomfort. My gaze meets with a woman, young, but old than both Santana and I. She's also taller than Santana, but shorter than I am. Her hair is light brown, eyes are hazel and her smile is bright.

"Hi, I'm Allison. This is my boyfriend Dominic and my daughter Jessica."

I shake her hand politely and smile. "I'm Brittany." I smile along with her and bend down just enough to greet Jessica. She's about one year old. Her eyes are hazel, like her moms and her hair is dark brown, like her dads. She's so cute; it makes me think of Ethan even more. Behind both girls is a tall man, with skin darker than mine, but much lighter than Santana's. He seems to be wearing, what looks like, a five o'clock shadow.

"How are you guys? I didn't know you we're coming." Santana says with a smile and opens the door wider to invite them in.

"We're only here for today. We have an early flight tomorrow morning. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing."

Santana bends down and greets Jessica as well. Her tiny arms wrap around her so adorably, it just makes me think how well she'll be with Ethan.

"We'll be back around summertime." She tells Santana and grabs Jessica's hand while we both stand up again.

"Good because I want to see Jessica more." she states with a grin and tickles Jessica's stomach. Allison rolls her eyes while Dominic laughs at her dramatic gesture.

"Bye, Brittany. Nice meeting you."

"Bye. It was nice meeting you, too." I say with a smile and wave to Jessica as they walk away. Santana closes the door and we sit on the couch. i yawn and her eye brows raise.

"you're tired? It's barely nine o'clock."

"I can't sleep at night. My back hurts and my bump doesn't let me turn as much as I used to."

"Okay," she states, then stands up with her hand out for me to reach. "C'mon, I'll fix that."

I smile and grab her hand. She tells me to lie down, and I do. For moments, she steps out of the room and comes back in with more pillows. My lips part to speak, but I'm too intrigued with the movements that she's doing.

"Here," she begins and tucks pillows under my legs so that they're elevated. "is that better?"

"You're an angel." I say breathlessly and get comfortable. I'm starting to doze off into the night. My eyes can barely stay open, but I manage.

"Thanks." I whisper and she giggles while turning off the lights.

"You're welcome." she replies softly and kisses my forehead. My eyelids close and I feel calm.


	14. Chapter 14

Wednesday / December 20 / 2006

Santana comes in through the door from work. She'll be gone all day since it's officially winter break.

I've been over thinking this whole pregnancy thing. How will I cope with this child? How will I know the difference between him being hungry or in pain? I don't know. And I know Artie won't know either. Hell, he won't even be part of my life, ever. So, if I leave Santana, how will this baby be loved and cared for?

"You look pale." She tells me and analyzes my face thoroughly. "Stay here. I'll make you tea."

She rubs my back and goes into the kitchen. I look around the room to hold back my tears, then they avert to the window that makes the outside visible. The sky is pouring water and all I can hear is it pounding on the roof. My chest is getting tighter and heavier. I can nearly think and barely breathe. My eyes land on Santana, her back is facing me as she faces the sink. I sniff and do the unthinkable.

I run out as fast as my belly lets me.

It's raining, obviously. The air is ice cold and the sky is a dark violet-purple tint. Thunder roars and lightning strikes the cell phone tower a couple miles ahead of me.

"Brittany!" she calls for me and races for me. "Brittany, what are you doing?!"

I keep running, but she catches up to me. Her hair is drenched, as well as mine, and so are all her clothes.

"I can't do this, Santana." I confess with a sob and walk backwards slowly. "I don't know how to be a mom. I don't even know how to cook a can of soup, so how will I do this?"

She grabs me by my wrists and pulls me closer, but I keep backing away. "Calm down. Just breathe." she states and I do just that. "Look at me. I'm here and I'll always be here to help you."

I nod repeatedly as she embraces me in a hug. I hesitate for moments, but give in willingly. Her body is wet and cool, but I still manage to feel her warmth. We walk back home and she dries me up. She pays no attention to herself because she remains in her work uniform, soaked with water.

"Sam called when you were working." I say out of nowhere, shakily.

"Oh, cool. What'd he want?" she takes off her hat and let's her hair fall down her shoulders. Then I see her face grow worried and she waits for an answer.

"...He saw us." I reply quietly and her eye brows furrow in confusion.

"...Huh?"

"He saw us the night we kissed in the pool."

She stays frozen in position and crosses her arms, not knowing what else to do.

"He convinced my parents to take me back in, but they want me to marry after Ethan's born."

I hear her swallow hard and glance at the floor, then lock eyes with me. "Artie?"

I breathe out. "Yeah." I reply weakly and her face quickly forms a frown.

Slowly, she begins stepping closer. Sam's lecture is replaying in my head.

_Being gay is a sin, Brittany. __It's disgusting and I won't let her turn you into one of them._

_She didn't do anything. _

_You weren't like that before you met her._

He doesn't know in what condition I was before I met her. My brain is ready to burst along with my heart. Our eyes meet. I feel them fill with tears. If she takes another step, I won't be able to control myself.

"It could be good for us, Santana. Both of us need space before someone gets hurt."

Her eyes begin to water and I feel a part of me shatter into pieces I can't put back together. "Well, it's too late for that." she says with the weakest tone I've ever heard. She blinks repeatedly and rubs her nose one time. I reach for her hand and try to pull her close to me, but she refuses.

"You can't do that, Brittany. You can't just pretend nothing happened and just leave. It doesn't work that way."

I sigh in frustration while she picks up a bunch of bags from the floor. She hands me one that says 'Babies R' Us', and one that says 'Kay Jewelers'. A tear streams down her cheek slowly, but then she wipes it quickly for me not to see. It didn't make a difference because my brain memorized her solemn face and I won't able to erase it. Her mumble lets me know that she's headed for her room while I stay in the living room. I put the bag aside and waddle to mine. It's ten o'clock and so many thoughts are running through my mind. From where I am, I can see gray clouds forming through the window on the opposite side. I feel my heart drop, then accelerate over and over again. Tonight, it feels like I won't get any sleep.

/

"Santana," I whisper, but she doesn't hear me. It's 12 midnight, a little too late for both of us. I nudge her shoulder and she finally responds. She jerks up from her bed and sends her pillows falling to the floor.

"What? What's going on? Is he coming already?"

I stay standing before her with my hands cupping my bump. "No," I begin in a whisper and swallow hard. "I can't sleep."

"Do you want me to make you tea?"

I shake my head. "Can you come sleep with me?"

"Y-yeah sure."

I lie down, then she lies down beside me. My back is facing her and she embraces me with one arm. Her breath tickles my neck and makes me forget about the world for a second, but then I remember what situation I'm in and my heart breaks into pieces.

"Don't leave, Brittany." she whispers and holds me tighter. I don't respond. My body stays motionless before her and my stare is glued to the wall. My heart feels too weak to beat; it makes everything so hard to do. I can't bare to look at her, but if I did, I'd see that she has a tear falling from her precious cheek bone. It was never my intention to lead her on, but how was I supposed to know we were falling for one another? I've never loved anyone before...


	15. Chapter 15

/ The Next Day /

It's around noon and Sam is on his way to pick me up. Santana's getting ready for work while I sit in the living room, taking in the last time I'll ever see this place. All the pictures, vases and details of this apartment are engraved inside my mind. She interrupts my reminiscing and stands at the entrance of the corridor. Her apron is resting on her forearm as she puts on her belt.

"When you get your stuff, you can leave the key under the mat." Her voice is so cold and harsh, but I know she doesn't mean to be. She's just hurt. We both are. All I do is repeat 'I'm sorry' over and over again when she looks at me with her sadden expression. She walks to her room, slamming the door behind her. I'm left sitting on the couch with a broken heart. _Am _Idoing what's best for both of us? I don't know. I honestly don't.

I begin to grab my bags, but then Santana grabs them for me, suddenly. The smell of the shampoo I gave her fills my lungs, and I miss her. Yet, I haven't even left her presence. My head twists to see her helping me, and I break immediately. She's been crying. Her eyes are puffy and the glow on her face is gone. A forced smile comes across her face as we both step out of the apartment.

I hand her the key and she shakes her head.

"Keep it. I have another one." she tells me and sets my bags down as soon as Sam steps out of the SUV. His eyes lock with hers for what it feels like an eternity; they glare at one another so intensely, it makes my stomach turn.

"Ready, Brittany?" He asks and stands beside me with the duffel bag I had in his hands.

For moments, Santana and I stand before one another, solemnly and silently. Without a word to say because words don't seem to sum up any of the feelings I have for her.

"Let me talk to her." I tell Sam and he nods, while glaring at Santana one last time.

"Thanks for everything..." I say in a low tone and she nods.

"No problem."

"I'm going to miss you, San." my voice sounds so shaky and weak. There's one side no one's ever going to get to see but her. Her and only her. She's holding back tears, the only way I can tell is because she looks up at the sky and sighs, but then one falls from her cheek suddenly.

"...Promise me you won't let him hurt you again." she demands with a harsh voice and looks into my eyes.

"I promise." I reply in a whisper and she bites her lip while hugging me tightly. When I get into the passenger seat, I watch her from the rear view mirror. My heart aches, my head throbs and my eyes feel weary. The bags she gave me yesterday are below my feet, so I bring them to my lap. I reach into the Kay Jewelers bag and take out a small, burgundy colored box with a gold ribbon. Christmas colors. As soon as I open it, my eyes land on earrings. Beautiful silver earring with a stone the same color as my eyes. And just a little more I fall for her.


	16. Chapter 16

Monday / February 27 / 2006

I haven't talked to Santana since I moved out. I've felt so drained lately, I can barely keep my head up except for when I see her. Sometimes, I get scared all by myself. Yes, Sam is supporting me, but I need her comfort beside me.

"That's Mercedes. I met her in Christian Club. She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

Sam and I are sitting in the quad area for our ten minute break before fourth period. His eyes light up whenever he sees her; Mercedes. It reminds me of how Santana used to look at me like that when I wasn't facing her. I miss everything about her.

"Yeah," I reply weakly. "she's beautiful."

He turns to face me, but my eyes don't meet his. They observe me. The way my body stays in place, the way, my eyes look to the floor with sadness. If only he could feel how much I'm hurting inside. Every time I look at her, Ethan kicks and my heart rate increases. It's unbelievable how she makes me feel so alive and full of purpose.

"Anyway," he speaks up as we walk into the hall and stand by a poster promoting this years last dance. "prom is early this year. It's in April. Got any plans?"

"The baby is due around the first week, so no."

"Well, you have to go to prom. It's your last year."

I shrug it off and he shakes his head while walking away, glancing back at me to observe my reaction. My hands rest on the top of my bump as I stare at the ridiculous prom promotion above me. I'm emotionless and lifeless, without any intention to actually participate in any school events that mention her being there. Of course I want to see her, but if I see her I wouldn't want to leave her side. It's a craving that I can't fulfill and it irritates me. So, here I stand in the middle of the hall, looking at the poster the student body keeps putting up everywhere.

"Are you going?" I hear a familiar voice and my heart automatically skips a beat; like it's memorized the sound. When I turn, my eyes lock with Santana's. For moments, we stare at each other, but then she smiles and I remember where we are.

I shake my head. "No, are you?"

"Yeah, you should too. You only get one prom."

There she goes, making me change my mind. I press my lips together and nod.

"Maybe I will go."

"Well, do you have a date?" she looks down at the floor shyly, while fixing her backpack on her shoulders.

"No," I reply and lick my lips. "I'm waiting for someone to ask."

The sparkle in her eyes suddenly vanishes. Her hope is gone. "Cool." she says nonchalantly and sighs deeply. "Well, I gotta get to class. See you around."

A small smile comes across her face, but I can tell she didn't mean it. Her heart is broken to pieces; it's written across her face. I'm waiting for someone to ask? No, I'm waiting for _someone_.

If only she knew I was waiting for her.

/ Later that evening /

I'm in my room with Sam. It's silent, kind of awkward too. He's looking through his phone while I do some homework. My pen taps on my paper, thinking of how to solve these math questions. All I could think about while the teacher was rambling was her. Santana. She takes over every aspect of my life and every second that passes by, I can't help but want her. I realized today that every time I look at her, I compare her to many other girls. But there's no one like her. Not even close.

"Brittany?" Sam calls for me and I look up, shaking the memories of us from my head. "Want to go get something to eat down the block?"

I nod and he helps off my bed to get my jacket.

I'm watching her from afar, but she doesn't notice me. It's a good thing because I miss just watching her whenever I wanted to. Her manager points to our table and she looks over. I avert my gaze and look at the menu. Her footsteps fill my ears and grow more and more paralyzed white each one.

"How can I help you two tonight?" she takes out her notepad and clicks her pen. The sound of her voice sounded like a forced tone of happiness; I can tell that in her eyes she's slowly falling apart.

"I'll have the fish fillet with the spicy sauce." Sam orders his food then looks at me. My nervousness takes over and I begin to panic.

"Um, I'll have the same." I tell Santana and glance up at her along with Sam. She stops what she's writing and opens the menu in front of me.

"Did you read the warning?" She asks and points at the small warning box while piercing her brown eyes into mine. It says that it's not recommended for pregnant women and certain people with allergies.

"Oh, well, I-I'll just get the soup." I respond and she shakes her head while writing down my order. Sam stares at me, analyzing my every move and it makes me uncomfortable. After a few moments, Santana leaves and Sam stands up after.

"Where are you going?" I ask and he points to the restrooms. After he leaves, I follow behind him with a fast waddle, but then see his blonde hair from the restaurant's kitchen. My ears fill with raspy tone of Santana's voice.

"What do you want?" she asks, then I hear a bunch of dishes bang against the floor in unison. She curses and Sam offers to help, but she denies his offer.

"Well," he begins. "I just thought you should know that-"

"Listen, I don't want to know if she's happy with him, if she's doing better without me, or if she doesn't need me. I don't want to hear that crap, so can you leave? I'm working."

"...Fine." he mumbles and I walk into the girls restroom as fast as I can. My breathing is heavy and I feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Everything in this bathroom is spinning and I can't feel my legs.

"Brittany?" Sam knocks on the door and jump slightly.

"I'm fine!" I mumble and he demands for me to open the door. I open it and fall into his arms. Everything went blank.

/ /

I wake up frantically on a small couch with extra pillows everywhere. Aisles of olive green lockers surround me, making me dizzy once more. Then, my eyes land on Santana. She doesn't notice I'm awake and begins to take off her work shirt, revealing her cleavage. I'm guessing I'm in the worker's locker room. The beat of my heart suddenly thumps louder and louder. She turns around, and when she looks at me, her eyes widen. Before she can even speak, I walk out quickly. She calls for me and Ethan begins to kick, but I waddle back to the car with Sam. Seeing her is only hurting me.


	17. Chapter 17

Saturday / April 8 / 2007

Prom day

Sam enters my room in his tuxedo and a corsage for Mercedes. He dusts off his shoulders like a dork and giggles as I nudge him playfully. Karen and my father stand by the door with huge smiles while the camera flashes.

"You look beautiful, Brittany." my father says proudly and then his eyes lock with mine. They're sad, and I can tell tears are forming in his eyes. He's remembering; remembering my mother. I would know, that's the way he stared at her when they loved each other. How could he forget? This house is full of our memories together.

"Wait until Artie sees you." Karen states with a smirk and links her arm with my father's. I glare at her because she did that intentionally to push my buttons.

"Oh, uh, yes. He'll be here soon." my father's huge smile suddenly fades. Sam looks over to see my reaction, but I told myself that I wouldn't let Artie bring me down. My heart sank at the sound of his name, but he doesn't scare me anymore. He won't.

"We should get going." Sam says and both Karen and my father begin stepping out. Suddenly, he takes out two corsages. Both gardenias with a fluorescent yellow ribbons.

"One's for you." he slides one up my wrist, but all I do is look at him confused. "And one is for your date."

"I don't have one."

"We both know who I'm talking about, Brittany." his whisper is so sincere along with his eyes. My heart begins beating faster at the thought of her, even Ethan begins to kick. Sam angles his arm out to me so I can hold onto him while we walk down the steps. I smile and we head out.

/ /

I've been sitting at a table by myself for about two hours. I'm guessing everybody is wrapping it up to head to the after party because there's only a few people here. The decorations that were put up just a few hours ago are now on the floor with debris of popped balloons. My feet were killing me with these heels, so I took them off and now I can't find one of them. It's hot in here; the gym wasn't a very good place to have a prom. As I fan my face with a paper plate, I hear heels patting against the floor. I turn around, and no one is in sight. When I look before me, I see Santana just a few feet away.

"Looking for this?" she asks and hands me one of my heels. I giggle while taking it from her hands. She smiles, a wide smile and takes her time staring at me from head to toe.

"You look beautiful." she whispers. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"Artie isn't here?" she asks while looking down at her fingers.

"No." I reply and look down at my wrists, then remember the extra corsage. I pull it out of my purse and slide it onto Santana's wrist.

"What happen to the person that was going to ask you?"

"She never asked." I reply and look up, into her eyes. Her lips press together, then a weak smile forms.

"Can I dance with you?"

Her voice is shaky, but filled with happiness as it mimics her eyes and smile. I nod and she holds out her hand for me to take. She takes me by both hands and leads me onto the floor. I can't really wrap my arms around her because of the bump, but she doesn't care. Instead, she hugs me from behind and we sway to the music. Her chin rests on my shoulder perfectly.

I feel a pain in my lower stomach and shut my eyes, ignoring it. Then, it comes back even worse.

"Crap." I say breathlessly and stop swaying along with Santana.

"What's wrong? Is he coming?"

"I don't know."

"Quinn," she calls for her and she comes rushing to our side. "go get the car, hurry." she demands and hands her the keys.

"Oh my-"

"Okay, we should leave now."

I waddle to the exit in sheer pain. I can't really describe it. It's worse than anything I've ever felt and thinking that the baby's head is probably the size of a grapefruit just makes it worse.

/ /

After five hours of trying to push him out, he finally made it into he world. Santana helped me through it all. Her hand was holding on to mine, encouraging me through everything. Thankfully, she's the only person I needed beside me at a moment like this. Once I held Ethan in my arms, I didn't know he'd steal my heart so fast.

"Same eyes and hair..." Santana whispers while taking out something from a large bag.

"I bought you this when you were asleep." she holds up a medium size box and once I notice what it is, I giggle and thank her. It's a breast pump for milk. She opens it and begins to assemble all the parts as I put Ethan down to eat something. When she's done, she hands it to me with her cheeks flushing red.

"Um, do you want me to walk out?"

"San, you've seen enough of me to stay in here while I pump milk from my boobs."

A smile comes across her face as I take off the hospital dress half way. I look at the object confused and she begins guiding my hands and teaching me. Still, I wonder how she could look at me; my hair, rough and not brushed, eyes with bags and lips slightly dry from exhaustion. Now that I got the hang of the pumping, she carries him in her arms as if she had done it her entire life. Then, my eyes look down at him; his rosy pink cheeks, and soft button nose make me smile inside. And then I look up at her glowing face and her lips smiling widely as she strokes the soft skin of his cheek. Finally, his eyes open and I can sense her heart beat speeding up.

"Beautiful blue eyes," she whispers with a grin. "Just like your mommy."

Artie comes running in and his face grows angry with Sam behind him.

"Don't you dare touch my son!" He shouts and grabs Ethan from Santana's arms.

"Artie!" I shout back, but he doesn't look at me. Santana's eyes lock with mine, then glance back down at Ethan. He's crying now that he's with Artie. Without looking back, she walks out. My heart went from such a comfortable zone, to an angry solemn one.

"Here," He hands me Ethan. "I need to call your dad for the wedding plans."

"Wedding plans?"

"I'll see you later."

He walks out. Ethan stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. Sam presses his lips together to hold back his anger and I shake my head, telling him to stay calm. Santana isn't in the room, but for some reason, I can feel her. She's still here. I can imagine her; leaning against wall that's a little beside the door entrance. Eyes closed in heart break as she tries to process what she just heard. Her chest rises and descends with so much pain; I can feel it in my chest. She slowly appears from behind the wall and walks a little bit passed the threshold. My eyes meet hers. Her lips press together to hold back tears, but then one long stream pours down her left cheek as she exhales. She holds our stare, and then begins to step back again.

"Santana," I whisper with an enormous lump in my throat. "Santana, please." I beg, but she shakes her head in denial. Sam walks towards her, but it's no use. At the blink of an eye, she's gone. As she stepped back, I felt her slip away. I felt the grip of her warm hand slowly, but surely, slip away before me with each backward step. I want to catch up to her, but I can't. I never can.


	18. Chapter 18

Thursday / July 19 / 2007

I haven't seen Santana since graduation and we haven't talked since Ethan was born. Lately, I've been more depressed than usual, and I started giving formula to my baby boy since the stress isn't good for him. Sam has been helping me with him. Taking care of him while I rest, and clean up his nursery from time to time. At night, I wake up to feed him every three hours, which means I lose sleep, but it's worth it. If only I could do this with Santana. If only I had a chance to tell her that I love her. She's probably forgotten about me. She's probably happy, so maybe I should try to be happy too, but I can't. I miss everything about her.

But my life is barely getting started. Today, I'm marrying the man that forcibly took my virginity about a year ago. Man? More like a boy; not fully matured to know the difference between 'no' and 'yes'.

My parents set up a small party before the ceremony for the guests in case they got hungry. They've been waiting for this day since they met Artie. After what he did, they still forgave him. I don't regret Ethan being born at all, even though he is Artie's blood. He's my child now and I'll do anything to protect him from the cruel world.

As the people come in, my stomach just grows more upset. I look around to see the decorations flying off because of the wind and the table clothes lifting into the air, making the food fall over. People that I don't even know came to this stupid wedding. All I can say is that they wasted their time on a wedding that's just for show. I sit down beside the gift table and hold my stomach. Since I haven't been eating, I lost all my baby weight. For moments, I watch the people walk in with smiles and joyous remarks to my father. I'm sad for them because they don't know the truth. But then I see a familiar face and my heart leaps out of my chest. It's her, but how did she know? Sam is a couple of feet beside me at the food table and as soon as I step closer, I can feel tension rise as he sips his drink.

"Why is she here?" I ask angrily while pulling him aside so no one hears.

"I invited her."

I shake my head, push him and and flip him off while walking back to my dressing room.

"Brittany," he calls for me.

"Fuck off, Sam." I retort as angry as I've ever been. He grabs my arm and pulls me closer. His eyes are ready to let tears stream down his face. They mimic mine.

"I know you love her. I can see it in your eyes when she looks at you."

I pull away from his grip and stand before him. The long breath I was holding in is released and my chest aches a little less.

I cross my arms. "I can't love her, I'm marrying Artie."

"You can't!" he shouts loudly and throws his arms in the air. "I'd rather let her love you, than have him hurt you again." he finishes in a hushed tone. Again, all I can feel is pain. It's inevitable when I'm with Artie and away from her. I walk away with countless memories of her and I together Immediately, he knows that he didn't convince me otherwise, so he groans in anger.

"Why are you doing this, Brittany?!"

"Oh, so it's my fault?! You're the one that took me away from her in the first place. We were _fine_!"

"I'm trying to fix it now! You're not listening to me!" his voice is loud and angry, I've never seen him this mad.

"Don't you think it's too late for that?" I ask without expecting an answer. His chest rises and descends as his lungs struggle for air. The fire in his eyes is starting to come to an end and the guilt sinks in. I shake my head, ashamed at his actions and head for the dressing room to be away from the party.

After about half an hour, I'm standing in front of the mirror, asking myself what kind of stupid situation I got myself into. How could I marry him when I'm in love with someone else? The dressing room is filled with different decorations for the occasion. Flowers are scattered around everywhere and so are white ribbons. In moments like these, I wish my mother was here to tell me the right and wrong of things because I know I'm doing wrong. I just want to make it right again. All I do is stare at myself in the mirror; bouquet in my hand and veil hanging over the back of my head. Hopeless and confused. Suddenly, I see Santana's reflection and jump slightly. She steps in and stands feet before me. Gloomily, hurt and weak, yet, her silky, brown hair flows down her shoulders and her face is pampered beautifully with light touches of make up.

"Sam told me I could come..." she begins and leans against the back of the couch. "Don't worry, I won't be here long. I just came to say goodbye."

"Wh-where are you going?"

"With my cousin to California."

"But..." I breathe out, still, I don't finish my sentence. It's as if I had been punched in the throat because this feeling is unbearable.

"There's nothing left for me here, Brittany." she whispers and looks into my eyes. Her's are broken and already full of tears, yet, they don't seem to stream down her face. She holds them in, and inhales deeply. For moments, she lingers in front of me, piercing her gaze into my body. Then, she presses her lips together and steps back, hurt. I can feel the same ache in my chest.

"Sam showed me Ethan. He's so gorgeous. Take care of him, he deserves the best."

Slowly, she reaches for something on the dresser. A tear streams down her face and lands in the bouquet of flowers in my hand.

"And so do you...you _know_ you do." she takes a sunflower from the dresser that has so many scattered around, and sets it in my hair. My heart thumps as I stare at her with such temptation to just hold her and never let go, but then she's gone at the blink of an eye.

After she leaves, a woman knocks on the door and tells me to get ready. The bell chimes, meaning I should begin walking out.

My father waits for me outside the dressing room with his arm waiting to link with mine. Both of us wait, then the French doors open and the music starts playing. Step by step, I feel the ache in my chest as the pain bores holes in my heart. The music bass makes my body shiver with each aisle I pass. The faces that are looking at my every move just make it worse. I see Karen, Artie's family, and some of my father's co-workers.

Before I even had time to react, my father walks away and I'm left in front of Artie. His hands hold onto mine tightly. They feel uncomfortable and unwelcoming; unlike Santana's, soft and warm.

We're a little further into the ceremony. I'm paying to attention to what the priest is saying. I feel nauseous, and I can't blame it on Ethan anymore.

"If you do not wish to have this loving couple wed, speak now or forever hold your peace." the man before me states and looks around. She doesn't come in through doors; how I dreamt she would. Artie clears his throat to get my attention and our eyes meet. I avert my gaze to my parents and they smile, not a heartwarming smile, but those type of smiles that are forced upon your face. Sam locks his eyes with mine and shakes his head.

"Don't do it." he mouths in my direction and I feel my spine shiver.

"Are you having second thoughts, Brittany?" Artie whispers and leans in slightly closer to me. I look at Ethan in Sam's arms and breathe out deeply.

"I've always had second thoughts when it came to you." I reply coldly and he holds onto my wrist tightly.

"I object!" Sam shouts and my eyes lock with his once more. They beg for honesty and hope for me to not do the unthinkable. Again, I feel Artie tighten and tighten his grip.

"If you leave, there will be no more father, mother, or ME."

He stares at me with such anger; I can't be scared. I won't be. The look on my father's face is priceless. As if he were to slap me right here, right now. My eyes land on Ethan again. He's such a beautiful baby boy and he does deserve the best, the best is no one in this room. What I'm about to do is for both of us, not just me.

Rage fills my body. Immediately, I break loose from his grip and all my jewelry comes flying off. The high heels I had on slip off as well, while the veil comes flying above my head and onto the ground. I remove the clip keeping my hair up and let it flow down to my shoulders. I lift up the dress and run to the exit as fast as I can. Sam cheers and everyone else gasps in shock.

"Go, Brittany!" he shouts with Ethan in his arms and watches me run out. All I'm thinking about is the plane. I need to catch it before it leaves.

I run into the airport, but two men at the metal detecting stand make me wait in line. My eyes just wander around frantically over the different heads that walk around. I've grown unpatient the last few months; I want her NOW. My bare feet pound against the gray floor almost as fast as my heart, but then I'm stopped.

"I have to stop her, please let me through." I tell a tall white man and he shakes his head while making me go back into the line.

"You can't lil' lady. Sorry."

My eyes land on her. She rolls her suitcase against the carpet floor, then stops and looks at her phone.

"Santana!" I shout and several tears stream down my face. Mascara lines form on my cheeks and the lip stick I put on made my lips dry. Soon enough another, much older, man comes up by me and grabs my shoulders to calm me.

"You need to step back ma'am." he demands and I sob while shaking my head. His eyes lock with mine and they fill with guilt. He turns to face Santana and presses his lips together.

"Go get her." he says and a small smile comes across his face. I thank him repeatedly and run towards her, passed the steel frame. The dress is getting in the way of my feet as they race across the airport. I'm tired of running. My lungs can barely hold enough oxygen, but I want her more than the air I breathe. Where is she? I lost her. I always lose her.

"Next flight to Los Angeles, California, please take the next exit." the lady on the speaker announces and I see Santana again. I shout her name, but she can't hear. There are headphones in her ears; that's what she did to block out the ugly world. An elderly woman beside her taps her shoulder to get her attention, then she takes the headphones off and turns around. Her eyes widen and her breath is completely knocked out from her lungs. Finally, I stop a couple of feet before her. She comes closer to fill the space between us and hands me a water bottle in panic, but I push it away.

"Don't leave, please." I say breathlessly and let a fresh tear stream down my cheek. She steps closer and I close my eyes as her thumb gently glides it off. I open my eyes and see that she wants to cry as well, but she doesn't. Her arms wrap around my neck and her forehead presses against mine. I wrap my arms around her waist and bring her in closer because I missed the security of her touch. Her hands hold onto my neck, then her thumbs gently stroke the area behind my ear. My breathing is decreasing to its normality as I embrace everything she's releasing. The adrenaline that makes her heart pound loudly is the only thing that fills my ears and I love it. It reminds me that I'm still something important to her.

"Do you love me, Brittany?" she asks weakly and bites her lip anxiously. I wait, and take in the moment her eyes scream for me.

I nod repeatedly and lean into her face slowly. "Yes." I whisper against her lips and she sighs in relief. My lips come in contact with hers almost instantly. The horrible feeling I had in my stomach, vanishes and butterflies fill every inch of my body. Our lips dance on each others like I've always dreamt of whenever I went to sleep. I hear cheering as soon as our lips separate. A small giggle escapes her mouth while we turn to look at the crowd and wipe our tears. Sam is smiling from ear to ear, Allison is clapping and so is Dominic, as well as Jessica. The strangers surrounding us have smiles planted on their faces and I can tell they have no limit when they hear the word love, because what she and I have is love. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: **This is the end, my Brittana lovies. Hope you had a good read! And remember that I will be posting another one _very _soon. Anyway, can you believe this Bram relationship? I can't take it. They're Brotp, not otp. That's my opinion, to be honest! Have a good rest of your day!(:

* * *

Epilogue

Friday / June 27 / 2008

Ethan is one year old now. Santana and I are doing great with him. She loves him so much and he loves her as well. Artie is completely out of the picture and so is my father and Karen. Sam visits is almost everyday since I moved in with Santana. She and her dad get along better than before, so he offered to buy a house just for us. He comes by too and Santana couldn't be happier.

I just finished making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because Ethan always wants to be out in the grass in the backyard. Santana is changing him in his room. I watch her intently by the threshold of the door; moving to and fro wearily, but with purpose.

"Sweet angel," she whispers and taps her nose against his as she holds him up playfully. "You look so much like your mommy."

When she puts him down, he races out and her eyes lock with mine. We smile simultaneously at each other as she makes her way to me. Her eyes are so full of passion and love, sometimes, I wonder how I got so lucky to have her. She strokes my cheek softly, then reaches for my hand and kisses it. In that one gesture, I know that what we have will make it for the rest of eternity.

We walk outside and Ethan is playing with his toy truck. Santana runs to chase him and he laughs loudly. I giggle and watch them cautiously as I sit on the bench I built with my mother years ago. The speed of the wind picks up slightly and I feel her hands in my hair.

_Ocean eyes, ocean eyes_

_Don't you cry_

_The storm has blown over_

_Look up at the sky_

For moments, I smile and cherish Santana and Ethan. I haven't been this happy in a long, long time. My heart still misses my mother, but somehow, she's still with me. And when my mother can't wipe my tears, I have Santana and Ethan. They're my sky.


End file.
